Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
