you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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