Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
