sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
