worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
