he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
A+ Viking dick
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
