No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Text me some of your sweat
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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