Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
