The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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