I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
