We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
