On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's never too late to be topless.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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