I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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