I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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