i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
