her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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