Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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