love makes seman taste better
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
