just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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