Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
