And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
