he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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