Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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