You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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