On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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