turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
