So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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