i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
