I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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