There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
