WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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