Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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