whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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