Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
