Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
