i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
