So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
