She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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