Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
