they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
