I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
