I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
