Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
