Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we made out on top of his cat.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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