READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
