So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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