Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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