I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
