I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
