hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
