Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
