if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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